Halex Goofing: I HATE iPad

Halex Goofing: I HATE iPad

Lie, I don't hate the iPad. I don't even love. Just about the way it looks: thin, elegant, it looks like they took the screen off an iMac (which, technically, the whole iMac) and shrunk it. However, many people are spitting fire because of the disappointment with the new gadget.

To these people, I say: re-la-xe! If you didn't like the iPad, it still still likes you. Right now, I propose to do a little analysis to better understand why the iPad the way it is: let's try to get to the bottom of what the hell this product means.

Disclaimer: to write this post, I made use of many ideas that are not originally mine. Where did they come from? From three places: from the comments in this post, from this David Pogue article on NYTimes and my luggage. Now, to the text.

Rumors, you won't pass by!

First, forget everything you've read, heard, thought or dreamed of in the past few months! Wanting to rely on rumors now is the same as thinking you were betrayed by J. K. Rowling just because she made Harry Potter marry a girl other than the one you chose in yours fanfic.

Rumors are rumors, they don't matter anymore, after a product is launched.

What's in a name?

Well, it ended up being “iPad”. Unfortunately, pad it means “absorbent” in English, so I can only say that it was never so good to be Brazilian. Would you buy one iModess? In any case, over time we will end up getting used to it even though even today I still can't stand reading “MobileMe”, let alone listening.

And an important detail! We still can't be sure if boy or girl: only when the Apple Brazil page is updated that we can say for sure if “the iPad” or “the iPad”. Due to the extension of the genre “the iPad tablet” and to avoid being confused with “the iPod”, I stay with the female. (Did you hear, Apple Brazil?)

Your primary computer

IPad no. She doesn't want to be a replacement for her MacBook, her Asus, her iMac, her HP, her Dell or any beige (or black) case out there. The iPad is screwing with Photoshop and Final Cut. Therefore, many things she does not make sense.

  • USB: it would be nice to be able to stick a USB stick and browse the folders, right? Or a printer / scanner, to have to install drivers? Did you really want the iPad to be as thick as a USB port? Or that it was micro-USB and needed an extra cable? For those who have a desperate need to connect cameras, there is an adapter for sale and I think everyone will prefer to go from the camera to the computer, nonstop by the tablet.
  • SD cards: here, I see a certain reason to complain. Did it cost to open a little space so we can save photos directly on the iPad? Apparently it costs, because whoever wants this will have to pay extra for an adapter that, again, I believe it will sell little, since iMacs and MacBooks Pro already accept them.
  • HDMI: by the way, did Apple's response in this case “buy an Apple TV” really think they were going to discontinue it like that?
  • Mac OS X: the iPad already has a sweet version of OS X and (here comes a bomb, get ready!) the great advantage of it not having a Finder. Ordinary users are screwing where the files are located (they save everything on the desktop), so this is a layer of less unnecessary complexity. The files are in charge of each app, who only has access to yours.
  • Multi-task: I understand your pain. Sometimes I am reading at Stanza offline, I want to check the meaning of a word and I am too lazy to close the reader, start the Dictionary and start reading again. However, I don't think it is such an essential feature not to mention that it can give you more headache than benefits (see Nexus One, in which many people don't know when they left the app running or when you closed it). The thing to think about the exchange that is made (because there is no multi-task) but having more stability and autonomy in exchange for the iPad will do one thing at a time, very well.
  • Camera: to take pictures, would it be ridiculous to point a bump like her in someone's face when you're in the middle of the street? A mobile version of iChat would be the only justification but everyone would complain that iChat does not support video with MSN. I think that ties it.
  • HDD: an _no_ accelerometer gadget must have a hard drive. Shaking, shaking, going back and forth does not match a metal plate rotating within a head.
  • 128GB: solid state drives are cheaper, but not yet, banana prices. Besides, we're talking about Apple! Did you want the iPad to cost how much? $ 2,000?

The damn screen 4: 3

The iPad could be 16: 9, widescreen, like the new iMacs, n? Was Apple doing so well, making computers wider, to avoid black borders on top and ambotinha to go back and put a 4: 3 screen just in the most revolutionary equipment? Worse still: and that offensively wide bezel, for what ?!

Look at a keyboard: it wide. If the iPad were wide, it would be impossible to type in it and see what you are writing or else the keyboard would be in a very strange position, with leftovers on the sides. To watch movies, iPad is a mockery, a gadget that you use because the way: it will never replace your TV or your main computer. Therefore, the black bars are the least. And as for the bezel, well, you have to hold such a gadget firmly, or it will end up on the floor.

Remember: the 9.7 inch screen. good? but you are not going to start watching marathons LOST in such a small thing. Therefore, it has to be functional, and in cinematography.

The Kindle RI of the LCD!

What about ebooks? They will look beautiful on the color screen, but nowhere near as economical as the e-ink of the Kindle. Compare: one gadget lasts for one week, the other for ten hours! Wow, no chance to outwit Amazon, huh?

At the. Let's think: a bigger screen, a app from Apple, a book store and all the benefits this can bring. Boy, the battery recharges and that's it: it's full again, for a few more hours of reading! And the Kindle screen, which is black and white (and slow) forever?

Besides, a whisper of mine ghost tells me that Apple is keeping an eye on Pixel Qi while trimming the edges. When those low-consumption LCD screens arrive on the iPad, the Kindle will be better off learning how to prepare coffee to accompany the reading!

My life remains the same!

What was your life like in January 2007? And in the beginning of 2008? As I recall, the iPhone was pretty crap when it was released: the camera was rubbish (and no flash!), The browser was useless (and no Flash!), It didn't have real GPS, the virtual keyboard was a bomb, the phone just ran Apple's bullshit, it didn't have 3G, it was closed to everything and blocked to only work on the AT&T network. What a fucking product, #epicFAIL, a failure, a disappointment! Apple was supposed to follow Michael Dell's recommendation, right?

Did you realize how easy it is to complain? It was only three years after someone managed to launch a smartphone that came close to the iPhone in terms of functionality and finish. That must mean something! Ah, the camera is still without flash, the browser is still without Flash, the keyboard is still virtual and almost nobody gives the minimum for that.

My recommendation: wait. The revolution may happen, but it will not be like at the end of V for Vingana, I will not burst fireworks and play classic music to announce that the world has changed. If you need the iPad, you will know. If it looks like a big, clumsy and useless gadget, then why don't you need it and that's ok! It's not your fault or anyone's fault. #FAIL want all the rumors about an Apple product to materialize: who knows a little bit of modus operandi Jobs knows he would never do everything consumers want.

What did the Ford say? "If you ask what people want, they will say 'faster horses'."

She doesn't make calls! And the phone ?!

It remains in the same place as always: www.apple/iphone. Would you stop putting it in your ear, replacing it with a gadget three times bigger?


The iPad is something between a smartphone and a notebook, that's a fact, so it won't replace either. What she ? No one knows, not even Cupertino's people. Just look at the top of the Apple website and see that, although the new gadget has its own address http://www.apple/ipad, it still doesn't have a place to stay.

A iPad a Mac? an iPod? an iPhone? If I use the search box, can I find out what it is? I don't know, despite having my ideas there. With the time and measure that we see apps of third parties being launched with adaptations to take full advantage of the tablet, we can think better about what today's launch means.

The film that premiered today may be called iPhone 2: The mission or The Return of Cube G4, but we will only be sure at least six months after the iPad hits the market.

At l, that, as they say, is that.